{Written while GOT obsessing....so many theories, so little time...} Mother's Day is fast approaching and this time of the year always makes me reflective....mostly about what I can do for my mom and my grandmother to show them how much I appreciate them and the incredible women they are. Lately (maybe because I have a nice, round, getting-to-the-third trimester reminder), I have been thinking about motherhood and what it means to me and how it has changed my life. I went into this journey with no real expectations. I was never that girl who thought about weddings, wedding dresses or babies....I was focused on studying, and then law school, and then working like a slave for partnership. When my husband and I started our family, I was excited and scared but oblivious to what it really meant. Motherhood is so much more than simply having a child. For me, motherhood was the permanent passing of a baton from living for myself to forever living for someone else. Gone were the days of weekly manicures and daily workouts and monthly facials and all of that. Suddenly, every moment mattered. I became so aware of leading by example and of instilling values and teaching my child life lessons. I tell everyone that motherhood is very personal- it will be different for everyone because every child is different, but generally, there are some things that are universal and here is what I believe they are:
- It really does take a village. Motherhood practically requires other moms around you...for support, for advice, for reassurance that you are not completely screwing up...and to help. To my daughter (and for my son when he is born), all of my friends are Aunties and these girls (and my mom and grandmother and aunts and cousins) are there for me (and me for them) for birthdays and sporting events and dance recitals and for carpool and if my daughter is sick, one of my besties might pick her up and help. Moms need help...and need to help each other. You can't tackle it alone.
- There will never be enough time. For whatever you want to get done. For house chores or day trips or play dates or whatever. And the big outings don't matter so much anyway. Be present. Be engaged. Laugh and tickle and play and DANCE (dance parties seem to cure anything, by the way). Let go of the schedule and the plans and just be. This was one of the toughest lessons for me because I am a person that makes to-do lists and in my work life at least, lives a very regulated and scheduled day. Learning to let all of that go, without guilt, takes practice. And I'm still practicing. But it's worth it.
- Establish traditions that are yours. Ever wonder what makes a family? It's all those little rituals and inside jokes and things that you do that are exclusive to you. Very early on, we established a bedtime ritual that includes reading (before it was me reading to her but now, she is reading to me too), and talking about our days and praying. For weekends, we have little rituals for Friday and Saturday nights and I hope that when my children grow up, they will remember these. I think I have the tendency to try and plan grand events and I feel bad if I don't have something fabulous on our calendars every weekend but I am starting to think that it doesn't really matter to Addison. I think my daughter is just as happy when we are painting our nails or coloring and this is a good lesson- just be there.
- Love your child for who they are. Before I had children, I had all sorts of ideas about how I would raise my child, how my child would integrate into my life, how we would keep traveling and eating out just like usual. I look back on those days and laugh. I believe it all depends on the child you are blessed with. Sometimes, you are lucky enough to get a child that allows all of this ...My daughter was not that way. She did not like riding in the car, she would not sit calmly in a stroller, and that was OK. We adapted to her so that things could run smoothly. I suppose you have to let go of your expectations sometimes and just live a life that is in front of you. And guess what? That life will be incredible because it is yours...
- Get used to living in constant fear and anxiety and hope for your child. Nothing will ever mean as much to you as your child's happiness and nothing will ever hurt you as much as your child's sadness. Everything I ever do now that I am a mother is with my family in mind. There is literally nothing I would not do for her.
For me, motherhood is a journey that I will continue to learn from every day. I've said it before, but it really did give my life new meaning for me. And my heart has expanded to fill with a love that is like no other....
And speaking of new... We were lucky enough to spend an afternoon at Pacific City in Huntington Beach with other beautiful mommies and kiddos. Has everyone but me been already? It is so gorgeous. It has the ocean as a backdrop and the cutest stores and restaurants ever. Adds and I were lucky enough to participate in crafts and story time and a beautiful little flower making project. This was a preview of the events that are set to take place on Mother's Day...go to www.pacificcity.com for more details.
Thank you as always for stopping by, dearest readers. I appreciate it so! Sweetly.... Michelle