What Motherhood Means to Me (Part 2)

{Written after reading When Breath Becomes Air... Sooo good} Hello dearest reader! This is the second in my little motherhood series and here, my mom answers some of my questions.  It was amazing to me that when I became a mother, I became part of a club whose members (mommies) had so much wisdom and insight.  I find myself asking for advice or input from other moms all the time- not only do I think it is healthy to admit that you don't know all of the answers (hint: no one does!), but it's wonderful to share experiences and tips with others who are going through the same things.   It is an incredible lifelong group that I am so proud to be included in.  

There is no question that everything I know about being a mother, I learned from my mom. She is the most positive, selfless, supportive, loving, sweet person ever.   I tell everyone that any success I've ever had in my life is because my mom made sure that we knew there was a net under us at all times.  That net was the unconditional love she (and my dad) had for me.  It's very easy to chase your dreams in life when you know that no matter what you do,  whether you succeed or fail, your family is 100% behind you. Unquestionably, and without judgment-- just support and love.  It is so important to me that my children will know this – – that no matter what they do, what decisions they make, wherever their hearts might take them, I will be right there, cheering them on, raising them up, and covering them with love.    

In honor of Mother's Day, I sat down with my mom (over a chocolate chip cookie and a cup of ☕️) and asked her some questions about motherhood.

GDSL: What do you think is the very best thing about being a mother (besides, obviously, having me for a daughter, ha ha)?

The very best thing about being a mother is the love you feel. Having your heart grow with so much love and loving someone in a way you could never imagine before becoming a mother.

GDSL: Isn't that the most unexpected thing? This little being comes out and within a second, you would lay down your life and do anything...ANYTHING... for this child.   What do you think is the most important thing a mother can give a child?

In my opinion, the most important things to give a child would be unconditional love, strong values, and a great family foundation. As a mom, I knew that if I instilled values in my children and created an unbreakable family unit, they would go out in the world as confident, good, loving human beings.  And I am proud that they did. 

GDSL:  Aww!  That is so sweet.   I feel like I learn from my child everyday....What did you learn about yourself through motherhood?

That you will never feel like you know the right answer.  That you will need to ask for help.  That some days are long and exhausting and those will be followed by beautiful days that seem like a dream.  That motherhood, like life, is a marathon and not a sprint-- and the collection of days are what matter.  I learned that my greatest pride and love come from being a mother. I learned that my capacity to give and care are limitless.  I learned that to be a mother really is about teaching and shaping and hopes and dreams for these little people that you love.  Motherhood has been my greatest journey. 

GDSL: Gosh, that is the perfect answer.  I know those feelings and how connected you can feel to the sadness and the happiness of your child-- how you want the best for them at all times...How is being a grandmother different from being a mother?

I don't know if there's any difference between being a mother than a grandmother. The love you have for your daughter and then to become a grandmother is so special on many levels. I'm a grandmother to my daughter's child. I fell in love with her as soon as she was born (actually before she was born). At that moment I remembered becoming a mother myself and the overwhelming love I had for my own daughter. Now I'm seeing my daughter entering motherhood.  It's the beautiful circle of life. 

GDSL: There is a little baby boy in my tummy--how do you think this baby will fit into our lives?

This little guy is already loved so much and he is going to fit into our family perfectly.  He has a big sister who is over the moon to have a little brother and he is going to be smothered with love by his cousins and aunts and uncles.  A baby is a beautiful blessing and now, its about making memories together.

GDSL:  It's true.  I knew as soon as I found out I was pregnant that telling my daughter would be the very best part.  She wakes me up with kisses on my belly and must say 15 times a day "Tell baby brother I love him". It is the sweetest, purest thing and it gets me emotional every time.   You've watched me and guided me through motherhood – – what has been your favorite part of that?

Pride and joy fills my heart as I watch you as a mother.  You are an amazing mother-- so loving, kind, attentive and always there for every one of Addison's needs, guiding her to be polite, thoughtful, kind and considerate. Addison is truly blessed to have you as her mother.

GDSL: (Blushing)...That is so nice!  I think we are all blessed....

Happy Mother's Day to all of the mommies out there- in every form motherhood takes (to 4 legged babies too). Moms are heroes to me, each and every one of you! Hope everyone has a beautiful day...Sweetly, Michelle

What Motherhood Means to Me (Part One)

{Written while GOT obsessing....so many theories, so little time...}  Mother's Day is fast approaching and this time of the year always makes me reflective....mostly about what I can do for my mom and my grandmother to show them how much I appreciate them and the incredible women they are.  Lately (maybe because I have a nice, round, getting-to-the-third trimester reminder), I have been thinking about motherhood and what it means to me and how it has changed my life.   I went into this journey with no real expectations.  I was never that girl who thought about weddings, wedding dresses or babies....I was focused on studying, and then law school,  and then working like a slave for partnership.  When my husband and I started our family, I was excited and scared but oblivious to what it really meant. Motherhood is so much more than simply having  a child.  For me, motherhood was the permanent passing of a baton from living for myself to forever living for someone else.  Gone were the days of weekly manicures and daily workouts and monthly facials and all of that. Suddenly, every moment mattered.  I became so aware of leading by example and of instilling values and teaching my child life lessons.   I tell everyone that motherhood is very personal- it will be different for everyone because every child is different, but generally, there are some things that are universal and here is what I believe they are:

• It really does take a village. Motherhood practically requires other moms around you...for support, for advice, for reassurance that you are not completely screwing up...and to help. To my daughter (and for my son when he is born), all of my friends are Aunties and these girls (and my mom and grandmother and aunts and cousins) are there for me (and me for them) for birthdays and sporting events and dance recitals and for carpool and if my daughter is sick, one of my besties might pick her up and help.  Moms need help...and need to help each other.  You can't tackle it alone.  
• There will never be enough time.  For whatever you want to get done. For house chores or day trips or play dates or whatever. And the big outings don't matter so much anyway. Be present. Be engaged. Laugh and tickle and play and DANCE (dance parties seem to cure anything, by the way). Let go of the schedule and the plans and just be. This was one of the toughest lessons for me because I am a person that makes to-do lists and in my work life at least, lives a very regulated and scheduled day. Learning to let all of that go, without guilt, takes practice. And I'm still practicing. But it's worth it.
• Establish traditions that are yours. Ever wonder what makes a family? It's all those little rituals and inside jokes and things that you do that are exclusive to you. Very early on, we established a bedtime ritual that includes reading (before it was me reading to her but now, she is reading to me too), and talking about our days and praying. For weekends, we have little rituals for Friday and Saturday nights and I hope that when my children grow up, they will remember these. I think I have the tendency to try and plan grand events and I feel bad if I don't have something fabulous on our calendars every weekend but I am starting to think that it doesn't really matter to Addison.  I think my daughter is just as happy when we are painting our nails or coloring and this is a good lesson- just be there. 
• Love your child for who they are. Before I had children, I had all sorts of ideas about how I would raise my child, how my child would  integrate into my life, how we would keep traveling and eating out just like usual. I look back on those days and laugh. I believe it all depends on the child you are blessed with. Sometimes, you are lucky enough to get a child that allows all of this ...My daughter was not that way. She did not like riding in the car, she would not sit calmly in a stroller, and that was OK. We adapted to her so that things could run smoothly. I suppose you have to let go of your expectations sometimes and just live a life that is in front of you. And guess what? That life will be incredible because it is yours...
• Get used to living in constant fear and anxiety and hope for your child. Nothing will ever mean as much to you as your child's happiness and nothing will ever hurt you as much as your child's sadness.  Everything I ever do now that I am a mother is with my family in mind. There is literally nothing I would not do for her.

For me, motherhood is a journey that I will continue to learn from every day. I've said it before, but it really did give my life new meaning for me.  And my heart has expanded to fill with a love that is like no other....

And speaking of new... We were lucky enough to spend an afternoon at Pacific City in Huntington Beach with other beautiful mommies and kiddos. Has everyone but me been already? It is so gorgeous. It has the ocean as a backdrop and the cutest stores and restaurants ever.  Adds and I were lucky enough to participate in crafts and story time and a beautiful little flower making project.  This was a preview of the events that are set to take place on Mother's Day...go to www.pacificcity.com for more details.

Thank you as always for stopping by,  dearest readers. I appreciate it so! Sweetly.... Michelle

All That I Am....

All that I am or ever hope to be, I owe to my mother. - Abraham Lincoln

I just love quotes. And this one up there is one of the best. Is there any more important job in the world than being a mom? It is one that begins when you have your child and never ends, no matter the age of your child. I will always be my mom's little girl (and apparently require reminding to bring a sweater when it's cold and to wear sunscreen when it's warm!) My mom is my closest friend and cheerleader and has been my entire life. I tell her everything everything EVERYTHING and we talk like, 9 times a day.  I never went through a rebellious phase or a "I hate my parents phase". I am praying that my daughter and I will share this same kind of relationship.  It's a blessing and one that I am so grateful to have.  I am a person that treasures my family- I have a big extended family and truly, they are my world.  I've kind of learned the hard way that it's all that really matters in this life- health and people you love and who love you. Its everything.  Not the shoes or the clothes- but people. People that matter. There is no place I would rather be than with my family.  And Mother's Day is no exception!

It's pretty easy to shop for my mom for Mothers Day because I basically just think about what I might like.  I put together a couple of suggestions so that you can create a special day for your mama too. Here goes:

1. Pamper her:  if your Mom had an hour to spare just for herself, what would she love to do?  Take an exercise class, maybe have a facial or massage, grab a quiet moment to read? Whatever it is,  try to make this happen. Maybe plan out a little excursion for her (bonus: maybe you can go too!) or get her a gift certificate. With my mom at least, she tends to just squirrel away those gift cards and never use them (me? Those puppies are put to use immediately!) I usually plan a day for my mom and just make her relax!

Christmas with my girl!

2. Buy her something splurgey that she might not buy for herself: My mom would never go out and spend $300 on an amazing Dyptique candle like this (do not pass judgment on those of us who do!) or buy fancy perfume or skin care. Mother's Day is a perfect time for you to buy that little something for your mom that she might not splurge on for herself. This would be a great time to get her started on that skincare routine (see my post about Arcona) or maybe a new color palette for spring or summer (like this or this).  (Side note:  My best friend and I do this for each other on holidays.  We will pick out something that we would not otherwise splurge on-- like shampoo that costs $100 or whatever anti-aging product we are currently obsessing over-- and just buy it for each other. Genius! Try it! ) (side side note- These suggestions are meant to be a splurge. You need to be sure of the scent of candle she will love or what Bond fragrance she prefers before you drop major cashola on it. A gift certificate or a trip with you to Nordies to choose one might be a fun little excursion too)

Addison's 5th birthday, February 2015- where does the time go?

3. Can you ever go wrong with a monogram, I ask you?: This is the perfect holiday to get mom that necklace (here) or bag (here) or maybe cashmere robe (here) or whatever other initial bearing gift your mom will love!  Even cute stationary is a great idea (like here).  I always get her something personalized if I can.

My greatest achievement by far.

 4. A Picture is Worth a Thousand Words

I think a beautiful framed picture of you and your mom together makes a lovely gift. Especially since who even prints pictures anymore? No one. Save mama the effort and take the opportunity to have another picture of you in her house!

My beautiful mama--the greatest mother and grandmother EVER-- and Adds.

I have a habit of octopus- like squeezing the people I love! What's wrong with warm hugs, right?

At the end of the day, if all you can manage is a heartfelt card or phone call-guess what? It will be enough.  It will be perfect in fact. Take it from this mom right here- anything you do is amazing in the eyes of your mother. Hope your day with your mama and /or your own child is just wonderful! Xo Michelle

Four generations of strong, smart, loving women.  I am truly blessed to have my mother and my grandmother as such big presences and support in my life. I love them hugely.